he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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