you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize