May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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