It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
