I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
