Kareoke will never be a sober sport
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
