i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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