Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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