My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize