Sponge bath it is.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
