We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
