The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
