Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
