I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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