I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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