Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize