So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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