after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
