dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
