Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
