remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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