somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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