you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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