You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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