when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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