I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize