I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize