Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
