I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
