frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
