whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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