i would punch a child for taco bell
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
