bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
