Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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