Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
