you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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