GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
