Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
