When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
