There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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