We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I believe in your delicious
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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