my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
