I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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