I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
