When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He passed out mid-signature
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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