I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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