I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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