I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
