3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
