I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
