Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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