she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she told me i tasted like america
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
