Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
