i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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