I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
