I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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