We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
