Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
