girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
