this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
