You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
only you would photoshop your dick
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
