There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This baby is an asshole
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
