So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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