I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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